sad valentine's day. :(

today is valentine's day. i'm sad. i miss my high school friends so much. it has been ages since we last saw each other. i miss them so bad. but i don't know if they still value me that much now. the feeling of being so alone and having no one to talk to makes me cry. i never really wanted to cry. crying makes me look stupid. but yeah. it did make me feel quite better.

i've been sitting and thinking all day through about what have i not done to make the friendship on fire. i've been busy trying to pass cnu's standards. and right now, i'm paying the price. my high school friends don't care about me at all or maybe they are busy with school too. they didn't even bother to text and say 'happy valentine's day'. they don't ask me out like they used to. they have completely forgotten me. and i can't forgive myself for letting it happen. ugh. wah. i don't want to cry anymore.

but sadness aside, i'm happy coz special people made me smile throughout the day. it was so sweet of mayor charlie to give roses to the girls in class and chocolates for the boys. i was touched. close college friends made me smile and laugh. i can't thank them enough.

i love my college friends but i miss my high school friends so much.

of not studying and failing exams

ugh. i failed microbio. i should be immuned to failures by now but i guess this time, it's all my fault. oh man. i didn't study thinking that i could be like a giraffe or a tarsier even for just a day (everyday diay). that test was easy if only i studied. but i didn't. and regret is killing me now. ugh. better luck next time. i guess.

during my first year as a college student, i never felt 'at home' to the class i belong to. everyone just seem to be smarter, prettier, more talented than everyone else. people were clustered according to the school where they finished their high school - sci high, cnu, usc, etc. i felt like a rock being thrown into a basket full of precious gems. but as time passes, i slowly came to know them. group presentations and projects became avenues for us to share and to show that we care for each other. we are still in our second year in a battlefield called nursing but now it seems that we are like best buddies who just so happen to meet again after so many years of being apart. we're starting to discover that we have so many similarities amidst our stark contrasts, that we can adjust to give way to other people. now i don't feel like a stone in the middle of beautiful gems. i am slowly polished into a priceless diamond as each moment passes us by.

thanks BSN II-A for everything.

The More Loving One

by W.H. Auden

Looking up the stars, I know quite well

That, for all they care, I can go to hell

But on earth indifference is the least

We have to dread from man or beast

How should we like it were stars to burn

With a passion for us we cannot return?

If equal affection cannot be,

Let the more loving one be me

Admirer as I think I am

Of stars who do not give a damn,

I cannot, now I see them, say

I missed one terribly all day

Were all stars to disappear or die

I should learn to look at an empty sky

And feel its total dark sublime,

Though this might take me a little time